Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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