can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
