I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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