garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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