He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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