We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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