Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
