what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
