Your face is a jimmy john
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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