I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
