How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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