i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
