and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
