I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
