This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
