We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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