I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
