Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
