I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
honey bunches of taint.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize