woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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