i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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