what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize