I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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