I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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