Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
