but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
