okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
