he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
