tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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