I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize