I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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