if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
