His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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