If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
