I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
