My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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