yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
