Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
false alarm. still invincible.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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