Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
