i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
