he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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