you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
