I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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