omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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