As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
