I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
