yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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