plz talk dirty to me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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