remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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