that's an acceptable place to lick
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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