I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
