Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize