I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
