Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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