Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
