you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
