He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
