I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
