Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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