Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
