I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize