I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
