she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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