Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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