I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize