I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
