farters have to be the big spoon...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
