I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How external is "for external use only"?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
