Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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