this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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