I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
