Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize