Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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