It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
