Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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