so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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