Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
