My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
