Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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