he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
