He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
