new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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