i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize