Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
