Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
