you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
