you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
