And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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