This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
