I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
