So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
