I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you win again, gameday.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize