pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
