the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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