Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
