Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
