here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
ok first of all what the fuck
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
