Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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