I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Panties = found
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
