so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
