did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I have post one night stand depression
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
